Several months ago, I went to dinner with some old classmates from high school.
Being the only one in the party with children, I was asked to share a little about life as a mother.
I detailed the effort and sacrifice it takes to spend every moment in the care of little ones--how
sometimes it leaves me exhausted and drained, both emotionally and physically. But, in spite of the sacrifice requires, it brings joy to my life. At this point, an acquaintance of mine commented,
“I don’t think I could ever have children. I am too selfish.” I felt a wave of affirmation hit others in our party (though not all) as they reflected on whether or not they would be able to make that kind of sacrifice.***
I bring this up not to talk about the importance of childrearing (even though it is paramount), nor to disrespect the person who made the comment.
I bring this up because it illustrates a confused notion that is prevalent in today’s society--which is,
Happiness comes from indulging in one’s desires, and focusing first and foremost on our own pursuits and pleasures. This notion could not be more false. Though it is important to take care of ourselves, physically and spiritually, the more we focus inward on ourselves--our needs and desires--the more miserable we will become.
Why is this so?
Many may argue that through focusing on their wants, they find pleasure and enjoyment.
My response is that
this pleasure and enjoyment is fleeting.
Selfishness has never and will never lead to lasting joy and happiness.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an Apostle of the Lord, explains,
“A selfish person is more interested in pleasing man, especially himself, than in pleasing God. He looks only to his own needs and desires… We live in a time when sacrifice is definitely out of fashion. Someone has called this the “me” generation, a selfish time when everyone seems to be asking, ‘What’s in it for me?’... That corrupting attitude produces no change and no growth.” (Dallin H. Oaks, April 5, 2009, General Conference, Sunday Afternoon Session) “Selfishness is the basic substance—the raw material, if you will—of almost all…sins that Satan has introduced upon the earth…Greed, envy, covetousness, lust, rebellion, thievery, idleness, lying, hypocrisy, backsliding, immorality, infidelity, pride, arrogance, gluttony, and most other evils are the products of a selfish life,” (William R. Bradford, “Selfishness vs. Selflessness,” Ensign, Apr 1983, 49)
Contrast this with the life of Jesus Christ.
Elder Oaks continues,
“Our Savior gave himself in unselfish service. He taught that each of us should follow him by denying ourselves of selfish interests in order to serve others. ‘Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it,’ (Matt 16:24-25) It’s not easy to give up our personal priorities and desires...All of it requires setting aside personal convenience for unselfish service. All of it stands in contrast to the fame, fortune and other immediate gratification that are the worldly ways of so many in our day… The plan of the gospel of Jesus Christ lifts us above our selfish desires and teaches us that this life is all about what we can become,” (Elder Oaks).
I know that sacrificing our own desires in order to serve others yields the fruit of
true joy and satisfaction and helps us become who God would have us be.
***
I am far from being perfectly selfless, but I know that the most memorable and joyful moments in my life are the moments when I have lost myself in the service of others.
That is why most mothers you meet will be able to say,
“The sacrifice is all worth it,” despite the fact that they may be exhausted and tired.
So,
to my old acquaintance, I encourage you lose yourself in the service of others.
Do not let the title of “selfish” define you, whether it is done innocently or conscientiously.
The answer to unhappiness is not found in indulging ourselves with treasures, pleasures, and pride. The more you forget about the things you want, the more joy you will find.
Start today by practicing selflessness and service.
Give up something on your agenda to help someone else.
I testify that it will heal you, it will strengthen you, and it will add depth and meaning to your life.
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